


I Understand The Joy Of Loneliness

by kwillpleasedont



Category: SHINee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-10-11 13:20:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17447753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kwillpleasedont/pseuds/kwillpleasedont
Summary: The sea that sparkled during the day today is pitch dark in this night>Blue - OnewNight deepens, there’s nowhere to go with my heart>One Of These Nights - Key





	I Understand The Joy Of Loneliness

**Author's Note:**

> Credit to Timtaems on Youtube for coming up with this concept and creating an awesome video. Thank you for letting me put my own spin on it.
> 
> Here's their video:  
> https://youtu.be/FEBOP-HVLzg

There are no days were Jinki is from. Only crashing of blue waves on pale sand that sparkles in the light of the moon. Twinkles of love and light reflecting in his eyes. The moon winking at him while he professed his undying devotion to her.

Jinki knew of no sun, not even a word for it. He knew of nothing other than the moon and the gifts she graced him with, the pushing and pulling of her waves, a lullaby sung for him only. A melancholy song with no words, only a melody of the cries of the whales.

Sometimes, the moon leaves Jinki little gifts. She'll rain things down from the sky, somethings Jinki can't get too close to as they fall. They trail through the sky with sparkling tails to land in the soft sand right outside Jinki's door, some nights he stays to watch them fall. When he retrieves them hours later, he's amazed every time. They're little blue crystals and it tingles to touch them.

Jinki wants to leave them alone mostly, he figures they're for him, there's no one else around for them to be for, but they also feel like something too intimate for Jinki to touch. They feel like her tears, light blue tear drop shaped crystals she leaves for him. Jinki thinks she weeps for him, looking down on his lonely, sad figure and crying for the little boy still too young to understand he's been abandoned.

He can't remember a time when he wasn't by himself. He can't remember a time when he saw another person, he should say. Because he's seen other things, he isn't truly alone. He has the glowing fish he's seen in the waves when he's walked a little too deep into the ocean, he's seen the birds that sing back when Jinki sends a song out for them, he's seen the moon and the tears she's shed for him.

The waves, the water, are just as cold as Jinki is, inside and out. Wind howls in the air, screaming at Jinki to hide, to shelter himself under the blankets in his bed like he's a child. And he does, every time. Because there are things stronger than Jinki, there are things Jinki cannot face. There are words and phrases and passages Jinki wishes to be left unsaid.

The cold seeps through his sweater as he sits on the beach, just out of the reach of the waves. The moon's long arms stretched out to hold him, but he always pulls away. He was left alone on purpose, if that was how it was meant to be, Jinki will keep it that way.

She cries for him again.

 

~

 

There is no dark where Kibum lives. Just weeks and months and years spent with his feet buried in bright sand leading to still water and the sun kissing his cheeks, leaving freckles as little reminders. Love bites from the sun, a gift to his most beautiful specter.

The city never sleeps which Kibum loves, he goes dancing and clubbing and no one objects. Disco lights and party fever plague the streets and the hearts of those around him. There's too many people in such a small area Kibum doesn't know how it doesn't bother everyone else. Ten too many people crowded together at a house party, a couple hundred too many at the raves Kibum used to frequent. Music too loud, lights too bright, songs all the same.

Kibum wants to be alone. He's never had the pleasure of seeking out the quiet and all her hushed mysteries. He wants to bask in the dark and the quiet, wants to feel her touches like he does the light's. But they fear that. They've banished awkward pauses in conversations, done away with the natural hush that falls over a room when everyone is finished with what they have to say.

Tonight's party of choice is in an abandoned train car, a few of them actually. Doors wide open for any and everyone to join the ongoing thrall. They're so afraid, but they're curious, the people around Kibum. He grew up hearing outlandish tales of the things that lurk in the dark, that hide until your guard is down and then eat you alive. Those were the stories Kibum's parents told him to warn him away from wanting to seek it out.

Even here, in the abandoned train car where he sits, they dance in the light. Music too loud, lights too bright, overloading Kibum's senses like they always do, but he still dances. Still greets the people he's seen before, meets the new eager faces, dances around everyone until he's in his own world, eyes closed to taste the illusion of the dark he so craves.

He hadn't seen him earlier, but when he feels hands on his hips, he knows that Hyoseob is there. The illusion is gone as soon as he feels his touch, he isn't sure he minds that much though. He and Hyoseob are somewhat close, they dance together at parties, hang together outside of them, so he doesn't really mind being thrust back into his real world when Hyoseob arrives.

He leans back into Hyoseob's warm body, embracing his scent, it's something woody, but Kibum has never cared enough to figure it out. He chalks it up to forest trees and keeps it moving, it's a good scent, he won't over analyze it. It's nice to be held by Hyoseob, he's around Kibum's height and he has gentle hands, seeming to know exactly where Kibum needs them the most. A touch so light it feels like the sun on his skin.

 

~

 

He feels the air shift, something in it different than before.

It heats up around Jinki, his feet burning on hot metal. His sweater feels too hot on his scalding skin. He wipes sweat from his brow and covers his ears. It's too loud, music blaring, people laughing and screaming, metal clashing against metal.

Ice covers Kibum's skin, freezing him from the inside out. He feels weightless, like the clothes he's wearing are nothing. He feels like he's in water, but it's too cold, he's never felt anything quite this cold. Nothing has even had him quite this frozen. He hears water splashing against sand, something his ocean has never done.

He looks up and meets the eyes of another.

Jinki has never seen someone before, has never met another person. He swims with the fish and sings with the birds, but their eyes are nothing like the man's in front of him. They're blue like the ocean he runs from, speckles on his cheeks like gentle little kisses too. The eyes of this man are warm, sparkling like the fires Jinki lights when the cold gets to him just a little too much.

Out of all the people Kibum chooses to waste his time with, none of them could compare to the man in front of him. He has sullen eyes, white dots glistening in his eyes, winking at him in the light. His eyes wet with unshed tears, reminding Kibum of the still water of his ocean. He is cold, it radiates off him in waves, Kibum thinks if this man were to touch water, it would freeze under his fingertips.

He reaches out to touch him.

Jinki's hands are wet with sweat, but he pays it no mind as he reaches out for the other man. When their hands meet, there's a spark of something Jinki has never felt before. If he were demanded to compare it, it would be similar to the feeling of walking into the cold ocean after spending all day being almost heated up under his blankets.

He is cold, subzero in his stature and attitude. He looks closed off, standoffish, cold. Even when their hands touch, he is cold. Kibum feels the warm sweat on the man's hand and is a little confused as to how he can be so cold, yet sweat. His eyes read distrustful, but Kibum wants to erode that away, he wants this man to trust him, he wants to be the one who warms him up, defrosts him

He blinks.

It takes 300 to 400 milliseconds to blink. When he opens his eyes, he is alone. Again. Jinki is back on the cold beach with the dark blue sky, with the moon and her tears, with the fallen crystals in the sand. He wants to say he's disappointed, that he's confused and angry, but he isn't. This was just how things were. The moon wept, the birds sang, and Jinki was alone. He did weep a little, the pain of seeing another person and then having them torn away so quickly before Jinki could even say anything stung.

It takes 300 to 400 milliseconds to blink. When he opens his eyes, the other man is no longer there. He's back in the train car with Hyoseob again, the music in his ears, the lights bouncing off the metal around him. And the man is gone, no longer anywhere to be seen when Kibum tries to look for him. He wanted to warm the cold ice around him, wanted to break the harsh exterior and get to know him. It took less than ten seconds for Kibum to decide that he wanted to know more about him and it took the universe 300 to 400 milliseconds to tear it away from him.

He's alone. And there is nowhere for him to hide.


End file.
